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These words are often hard for us to hear. At times we are put in a position within our relationship when we have to stand beside our spouse even when we may not completely understand or agree with what they are aspiring to do.

I was watching one of my YouTube subscribed channels and one of my fave Toobies was discussing the issue of black women feeling that there is a shortage of black men.

Well, I must say that overall I do not completely agree with the entitled statement…for many reasons that I will discuss in future posts. But one thing that I do know from experience is that there will be times that it is your “duty” (for lack of a better word) to stand by your husband/wife when they are trying to accomplish goals in their life, which could and will affect you positively as well.

There are many things that my husband has done to support me and help me get to where I am now. For instance, he worked full time and sustained us financially while I completed my degree full-time. Even in this period he was working in an establishment that was less-than-desirable for him, he bit the bullet and held me on his shoulders because he knew that this would ultimately benefit us in the long-run.

I Returned the Support

After I received my degree and started working full time in my career, my husband wanted to take the opportunity to focus on his passion for acting. This required that he not be locked down to a 9-5 job because he would often have to go to auditions in the middle of the day and he needed the ability to travel at the drop of a hat. Because I know how much acting means to my husband, and how his face lights up when he receives a part or when he comes home from filming, it makes me happy that I can be his rock and keep us afloat while he pursues his dream. I keep in mind (just like he did) that ultimately he WILL be extremely successful in his career as long as he does not give up. And I tell him not to give up no matter what the circumstances. I know that he loves me for this because there is nothing like having someone in your corner, especially because the rest of the world is so cold.

BE the “Soft Spot to Land”

I tell my husband everything. He is my best friend. When I come home from work he is always willing to talk to me about my worries. He patiently listens, and gives me the opportunity to vent. This is so very important. Everyone needs to have a confidant who they can trust and will always have your side (even if they have to tell you you’re wrong sometimes). I have cried on my husband’s shoulder during difficult times and he has never turned me away or made me feel irrational in my emotions. That is priceless. When it feels like the world is against me, I always know that there is someone FOR me. My husband tells me that I can do anything in this world that I want to do and he often says that he will do anything in his power to help me get to where I need or want to be.We listen to each other and don’t judge each other for the way we feel.

BE the "Soft Spot to Land"

It can be hard sometimes to be supportive. At times it can feel as if you are compromising your own “security” for the benefit of your spouse. But remember, when you are in a relationship it is not all about you anymore. Your goal everyday…which is mine…is to think “What can I do TODAY to make my relationship a little bit better?” If that means you just shut up and listen or if that means you become your husband or wife’s biggest cheerleader despite your concerns, it is important because your partner does not have the job to MAKE you happy, but they do have the job of bringing ADDED happiness to your life.

I urge you to take the time today to simply listen to your partner. Don’t criticize, don’t offer a quick solution…just listen and make a committment to them and to yourself that you will support them in their pursuit of happiness and fulfillment.

XOXO

Kae

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In this day and age, social media has started to infiltrate our lives to the point that we feel as if we are walking around with all of our friends the entire day. I will admit to checking my Facebook an exorbitant amount of times per day, and I sometimes read Twitter posts until m eyes are crossing. But, one thing that I have noticed, and taken heed to, is that everyone does not want to hear about how much you are in love.

I have a particular friend on my Facebook page that displays every single email that her husband writes to her while he is deployed overseas. They are definitely sweet, sometimes steamy messages and that is great to keep a relationship alive and healthy. However, let’s just face the facts. Many of the people on her page (mainly women) are single, and every day they post status updates to the tune of {Actual Posts} “Relationships 1, Me 0. FML” and “I wish I had a boyfriend. I guess I will have to give up what I want for me and my child and learn to be okay by myself”.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that it’s wrong or cruel to talk about how much love you are in and how “perfect” your life, home, and family are. But what I am saying is that (even through my own experience) if you discuss your seemingly unblemished relationship all the time it may put people off. In fact, although I am in, what I would call, a splendid, healthy, passionate relationship with my husband, I myself have thought about “de-friending”  this particular person because I am tired of reading her incessant mushy posts. Believe me, I am FAR from a hater. If I posted a tenth of the wonderful things my husband does for me on Facebook or Twitter, I would probably evoke my readers’ gag reflexes.

I will make this short and sweet. The people who are posting “poor me” posts on Facebook are no better. They should probably keep the majority of their sob stories to themselves. But, I also think that we should filter what we share and realize that although we may be in a place of  bliss in our lives we have to remember that spreading it on too thick can turn people away and turn them off.