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Recently, I read an article in US Magazine that stated actor David Boreanaz felt that his affair with former Tiger Woods fling Rachel Uchitel actually strengthened his relationship with his wife, former Playboy playmate, Jaime Bergman. What elements of going outside of your marriage to fulfill a desire results in making the bond in your relationship stronger? I guess I could possibly believe the position that if the man was up front and honest about his reason(s) for cheating that it could serve as a communication platform. If he wasn’t fulfilled in the boudoir maybe his openness about what he and his mistress did could shed some light on what sexually stimulates him. Although, personally, I could not fathom having to endure listening to those portrayals. On another note, he could have stepped out on the marriage because he was not emotionally fulfilled – yes, men do have emotions too. This could help his wife be more attentive to his feelings and be willing to listen to his concerns, fears, and desires.

But, forreal, I don’t think I can see the act of an affair serving to make me and my man closer for a few reasons:

1)  I do not want to even imagine another woman making love to my husband/boyfriend much less have to have an in-depth conversation about what he and his mistress did and how I could alter my sexual technique to mimic hers in order to get him off properly.

2)  I believe that if you are having difficulty in your relationship, the last thing you should do is involve a THIRD party. That just muddies the waters and makes it less about you and your man and more about how you are plotting to hurt him, her, or both.

3)  Personally, I would let him go when I found out about the affair because mentally I do not think I could live through the rest of my relationship having to envision the betrayal that took place. I would always feel like I wasn’t good enough for him and the lack of trust would probably be detrimental to the health of our commitment.

What do you all think? Can an affair help to bring you and your mate closer?

These words are often hard for us to hear. At times we are put in a position within our relationship when we have to stand beside our spouse even when we may not completely understand or agree with what they are aspiring to do.

I was watching one of my YouTube subscribed channels and one of my fave Toobies was discussing the issue of black women feeling that there is a shortage of black men.

Well, I must say that overall I do not completely agree with the entitled statement…for many reasons that I will discuss in future posts. But one thing that I do know from experience is that there will be times that it is your “duty” (for lack of a better word) to stand by your husband/wife when they are trying to accomplish goals in their life, which could and will affect you positively as well.

There are many things that my husband has done to support me and help me get to where I am now. For instance, he worked full time and sustained us financially while I completed my degree full-time. Even in this period he was working in an establishment that was less-than-desirable for him, he bit the bullet and held me on his shoulders because he knew that this would ultimately benefit us in the long-run.

I Returned the Support

After I received my degree and started working full time in my career, my husband wanted to take the opportunity to focus on his passion for acting. This required that he not be locked down to a 9-5 job because he would often have to go to auditions in the middle of the day and he needed the ability to travel at the drop of a hat. Because I know how much acting means to my husband, and how his face lights up when he receives a part or when he comes home from filming, it makes me happy that I can be his rock and keep us afloat while he pursues his dream. I keep in mind (just like he did) that ultimately he WILL be extremely successful in his career as long as he does not give up. And I tell him not to give up no matter what the circumstances. I know that he loves me for this because there is nothing like having someone in your corner, especially because the rest of the world is so cold.

BE the “Soft Spot to Land”

I tell my husband everything. He is my best friend. When I come home from work he is always willing to talk to me about my worries. He patiently listens, and gives me the opportunity to vent. This is so very important. Everyone needs to have a confidant who they can trust and will always have your side (even if they have to tell you you’re wrong sometimes). I have cried on my husband’s shoulder during difficult times and he has never turned me away or made me feel irrational in my emotions. That is priceless. When it feels like the world is against me, I always know that there is someone FOR me. My husband tells me that I can do anything in this world that I want to do and he often says that he will do anything in his power to help me get to where I need or want to be.We listen to each other and don’t judge each other for the way we feel.

BE the "Soft Spot to Land"

It can be hard sometimes to be supportive. At times it can feel as if you are compromising your own “security” for the benefit of your spouse. But remember, when you are in a relationship it is not all about you anymore. Your goal everyday…which is mine…is to think “What can I do TODAY to make my relationship a little bit better?” If that means you just shut up and listen or if that means you become your husband or wife’s biggest cheerleader despite your concerns, it is important because your partner does not have the job to MAKE you happy, but they do have the job of bringing ADDED happiness to your life.

I urge you to take the time today to simply listen to your partner. Don’t criticize, don’t offer a quick solution…just listen and make a committment to them and to yourself that you will support them in their pursuit of happiness and fulfillment.

XOXO

Kae

In this day and age, social media has started to infiltrate our lives to the point that we feel as if we are walking around with all of our friends the entire day. I will admit to checking my Facebook an exorbitant amount of times per day, and I sometimes read Twitter posts until m eyes are crossing. But, one thing that I have noticed, and taken heed to, is that everyone does not want to hear about how much you are in love.

I have a particular friend on my Facebook page that displays every single email that her husband writes to her while he is deployed overseas. They are definitely sweet, sometimes steamy messages and that is great to keep a relationship alive and healthy. However, let’s just face the facts. Many of the people on her page (mainly women) are single, and every day they post status updates to the tune of {Actual Posts} “Relationships 1, Me 0. FML” and “I wish I had a boyfriend. I guess I will have to give up what I want for me and my child and learn to be okay by myself”.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that it’s wrong or cruel to talk about how much love you are in and how “perfect” your life, home, and family are. But what I am saying is that (even through my own experience) if you discuss your seemingly unblemished relationship all the time it may put people off. In fact, although I am in, what I would call, a splendid, healthy, passionate relationship with my husband, I myself have thought about “de-friending”  this particular person because I am tired of reading her incessant mushy posts. Believe me, I am FAR from a hater. If I posted a tenth of the wonderful things my husband does for me on Facebook or Twitter, I would probably evoke my readers’ gag reflexes.

I will make this short and sweet. The people who are posting “poor me” posts on Facebook are no better. They should probably keep the majority of their sob stories to themselves. But, I also think that we should filter what we share and realize that although we may be in a place of  bliss in our lives we have to remember that spreading it on too thick can turn people away and turn them off.

Before I got married I had already set myself to understand that the “I” I used to cherish so much would be morphed into a “We”, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t still struggle with putting my own needs and desires aside sometime to come to a mutual agreement with my husband.

Sometimes you will have to compromise on small things…

For example, a few days ago my mother and I were shopping for new furniture for my and my husband’s new townhouse. We went to several stores and found some items that would look great in my downstairs living room. I was so excited to have some new furnishings because (as you females know) having a sparse and vacant living space is not comfortable. I couldn’t wait to get home and arrange our new findings into a cozy, relaxing display.

When my husband saw the new treasures, he noticed that “my” items would look spectacular in his upstairs “Mancave” (which we later named “Our Office”). At first, I was hesitant. Afterall, me and MY mother went out to hunt for this stuff and if I gave it all to him I would be right back down to the beige carpet and would have to start my shopping adventure all over again. I had to admit, however reluctantly, that the furniture did match his new office desk perfectly and would look great upstairs. I decided after going back and forth in my mind that I would let Hubby take the furniture upstairs. Later that day he moved all of it and the “Manca….Office” looked amazing! And boy was he happy. He thanked me so many times and I could tell by his face that he was so very proud of how the room turned out. So, in turn, that made me happy. If compromising my furniture will put a smile on his face, I am willing to do that. Besides, now I get to shop some more.